A New Beginning
I first met Divine Mother in October 1990 when I was forty-six years of age. Peter, my husband, had met her when he was in Honolulu in May 1990. Upon returning home to Australia, he told me of her. His behavior was so changed from his previous ways, that I wanted to meet her and thank her for all she had done for him and hence me and our family.
My life at this time was one of confusion and pain as I tried to keep going when all around me the known support were disintegrating. My parents had died, our family farm had been sold, my health was in ruins, and I realized that the political career I had worked so hard at was not satisfying. Most importantly, I was having to face the fact that my husband of twenty-two years, who I had always believed in, supported and loved, had led a double life for several years while being in the midst of a traumatic time. I was heartbroken, exhausted and so terribly hurt by events that had overtaken myself and our family.
I realize now that many times before life had not made much sense, but there were plenty of things to do, to be and to try to achieve. Distractions to get involved with and lost in on the outside world, so I could just keep on going. Looking back now, I appreciate how lonely and afraid I was. I had always tried to please, to do a good job, to work hard and be good, and felt it was all my fault when things didn’t work out the way I desired and felt was the best way. I must have done something wrong or not tried hard enough. What was I doing wrong? Why had it all gone so bad? I had tried so hard to be a good wife and mother and worked so hard to help build a good life for our family. Nothing made sense and I was hurting so much.
The week I spent with Divine Mother completely changed my life. It was a new beginning which brought to me a renewal to live, and love, and feel secure and peaceful, and to see the world in a totally new way. When I met Divine Mother I felt totally loved and secure and I just wanted to be with her. I felt Divine Mother loved me and understood me better than anyone else in the world. She talked to me and meditated with me, and I felt so peaceful with her. I fell in love with her, and as this love has grown I have found more and more joy within myself. Tears of love and joy come to my eyes when I think of Divine Mother and feel her Love pouring out to us all, all the time.
Looking back I now know I had felt her Love before, during times of bleakness in my life when at my limits I’d turned in and ask God for help. I so clearly recall one morning in October 1990, seated with Divine Mother at her dining table. She was talking with me. Sometimes I could not understand her words, and later I was told that Divine Mother had mentioned she had trouble understanding my accent too, but spirit and love go heart to heart. Divine Mother got up from the table and refilled my coffee cup and in that second I knew with a knowing I’ve never doubted as it is a part of my being, that here was the source of love that had held and supported me all my life.
Divine Mother asked us to know her in spirit. Divine Mother is the guide to take us back to our divine, inner self. Since 1992 I have had the opportunity to feel Divine Mother’s unconditional Love. This provided the courage and security I so desperately needed to hold in there, especially in March 1997, when in confusion and denial I did not want to look at the past. Divine Mother walked every inch of the way with me, so I could go there, look, and be free! The enormous magnitude of this gift of love keeps growing as my life unfolds and awarenesses continue to come.
Looking at my life and close relationships I have seen how lonely and lost I, and my loved ones, have been, with all the focus on the outside external world, and unable to fully live and express our love for each other. I have been able to acknowledge a marriage that was on the surface reasonable, but deep down was painful and hurtful and one in which my husband had so many secrets that true closeness was not possible. Divine Mother’s Love has enabled me to look at my family history, not to blame, but to understand, and see how the chains of family behavior go from generation to generation as people are so shut down and lonely. In this I have found it necessary to face a lot of grief, pain and anger, at, and for, myself, husband, children and parents. Through God’s grace, this has brought such a greater depth of understanding and feeling of love and compassion for us all. There is also much joy and a sense of freedom in living now, and the fear of being abandoned is gone, for I know that God’s Love is always there within.
I have realized that the relationship with our children in their formative years was lacking and Peter and I are not only re-building our relationship, but are re-building our family. We have never been happier as a couple. The barriers are down and gone and we delight in a marriage that has a shared spiritual foundation which provides us with such happiness and support. We are learning to respect the feelings of our girls and encouraging them to be open with us. In this more secure environment they are responding, and we have never been closer as a family.
Using the tools that we have been shown and given by Divine Mother, I now live life daily coming from within, making God first. In the past, wanting the outcome of a “happy family” so much I was such an enabler and also controller, and didn’t realize that love is respect for yourself as well as for others. I try to be more clear in my interactions with people now so there are less misunderstandings. When I fall down, as I find some old habits do indeed die hard—I don’t beat myself up so much, but offer it to Divine Mother, and go forward secure in her Love with thanks. Any validity I need is within me—for I know what my life was like before Divine Mother, and I know the love and joy I feel now.
I will never be able to thank Divine Mother enough for all the changes that have occurred in my life. I sing and dance inside with joy. I praise and thank God every day for all the grace. Thank you Divine Mother for your unconditional Love, for turning me back inward. I feel more alive, joyful and grateful than at any time in my life. To have had the opportunity of being with Divine Mother is the greatest gift of Love and grace possible. My deepest wish is to support Divine Mother in every way possible as she shines this pure Love to the world which is crying out for this beautiful way to live here and now.