A Wholesome Self—A Wholesome Family
Since moving to Hawaii, I feel as though I have lived a lifetime. Truly, the Grace that I have received has been incredible.
One of the many miracles that our family experienced is that we reconnected after years of disharmony. While my mom moved back to Hawaii in 1992 and my father lived in California, my brother remained in Pennsylvania after college to keep his distance from both my parents. For me, visiting mom was emotionally draining because she was so needy, fragile, and emotional. My brother and I were at the point of discussing which one of us was going to take care of her because we thought she was headed towards a nervous breakdown.
It was God’s Grace for our family that my mother was able to meet Divine Mother in 1992 when she moved back to Hawaii after the divorce. Divine Mother kindly saw my mother for One-on-Ones and my mother steadily became stronger within herself. Throughout my childhood, my mom sought help through religion, self-help books, and psychology. But it was only when she met Divine Mother that she, as well as our dynamics, started to change. She was less needy and I felt much safer being around her. Throughout the years my mom would change dramatically—becoming self-sufficient, happy, and wholesome. I thank Divine Mother for giving me a new mother and for lifting the awesome responsibility that I felt for taking care of her.
Just as my mom has changed, I, too, have experienced direct transformation through Divine Mother’s Light. In April 1997, my brother and I were both in Hawaii and were able to spend much time with Divine Mother. I cannot truly convey the magnitude of our week with Divine Mother. For the very first time, my brother expressed feelings that he had long kept hidden from my mother and even from me. In just one week, our entire family dynamics began to shift and became the start of an authentic and beautiful family relationship. For me, I felt despair and depression and my hands started shaking involuntarily. All my life I had shoved down negative emotions and learned to ignore them. I excelled in school and sports, yet never addressed some of the deep feelings and concerns I had. During this week, however, I was being unraveled and shaken to the core.
I felt so much despair and was afraid not only of what I was sensing inside, but that I would leave Hawaii an absolute wreck. But, Divine Mother spared me. The day before I left, I had an incredible experience in which I felt a whirlwind of sadness and pain that was so deep that I felt it came from the pit of my stomach. I never knew I had this pain in me. In an instant, I was screaming—something in me could not be contained any longer and it seemed to pour out from my soul. I couldn’t stop myself. I was throwing a tantrum and screaming for help. My mom called Divine Mother and she came over to the house right away and as I screamed out my raw feelings, Divine Mother took my mother to Spirit in the other room. I could not hear them and I continued crying and screaming, my body spasming with such intense emotion. Then, in an instant, everything completely went away and I felt peaceful and whole. Later I found out that I had stopped crying the very moment when my mother saw in Spirit that I was deeply hurt at a very young age. While I was in that room screaming, Divine Mother was helping me in Spirit, completely lifting me out of the emotional and mental torture. I felt as though something beautiful had washed over me and I immediately felt like a new person—happier, younger, revived. Afterwards, I had the awareness that had these feelings stayed suppressed inside of me, I would have become mentally ill, but because of Divine Mother’s powerful Light, I was set free. So many things started to make sense and I was able to understand my quirky attitudes, feelings and fears since childhood. I thank Divine Mother for allowing me to face something so deep within me, and not only stay intact, but actually become healthier because of it. How could I have stayed intact and have recovered so quickly? How could it become such a beautiful experience for me? It was Divine Mother’s Grace.
Due to the significant changes in my mother, my brother and I both moved to Hawaii during the summer of 1997. Our family has been so fortunate, because we have been able to spend so much time with Divine Mother. Through God’s Love, we have been able to heal even more as a family and as individuals. Growing up, our household lived under constant pressure and emotional instability. My parents’ unhealthy marriage and destructive patterns were central focuses in our family, yet we never acknowledge this fact. On the outside we were really good children, never rebelling, but instead, excelling. But, I could not be a child—I felt responsible for and worried about my parents and suppressed my own needs and emotions. Also, we lived with such strict and rigid moral, religious and social codes, which gave me a skewed sense of society. It was as though we lived in a bomb shelter, trying desperately to stay untouched by the “sicknesses” in society. Even in mundane areas, I was taught to be so careful. I did not use hair dryers or certain pots and pans because they supposedly caused cancer. I was constantly reminded that watching our black and white TV too closely would hurt me later on. I was yelled at for drinking Diet Coke or eating anything fried and oily. It isn’t to say that some of the things might not be true—I don’t know. But there is a point in which it becomes unhealthy and causes obsession, guilt, and fear. It is still sad for me to see how rigidly I was taught to think and how I learned to scrutinize and judge my own behavior so harshly, as well as the behavior of other people. Divine Mother cut these family patterns and dysfunctional ties and helped me live life with more freedom.
Divine Mother’s Light works immediately. After I broke up with my boyfriend when I was living on the mainland, I was really troubled and upset. Moments after I spoke with my mom, she was lucky enough to share with Divine Mother. Because of what Divine Mother shared with my mom, I felt completely spared from the suffering that I was putting myself through. My consciousness had completely changed. In another experience I was at the dinner table with Divine Mother and the San Francisco Spiritual Family. I was eating along with everyone else, when Divine Mother looked at me and with so much focus, said, “Sarah, don’t worry.” How deeply Divine Mother knows me, more than I know myself. How blessed I have been that Divine Mother has given me such personalized Love and guidance.
I am so much stronger now, and instead of hiding my voice, I am freer to express myself. Instead of being pulled by negativity and fantasy, I am able to focus more on the love and stay in the moment. My focus is incredibly better and I feel as though I can absorb information at a much higher rate than before. My emotions are steadier and I do not feel controlled by them. I have more clarity, and am learning to trust myself. Also, I can make mistakes without being so hard on myself.
Divine Mother expanded my consciousness even more by showing me that there were more possibilities than what I perceived. As I expunged negative emotions and saw the dysfunction that had been so prevalent in my life, Divine Mother was filling me up with Love and hope, always raising my consciousness and instilling the positive in me. For so long I had denied myself many normal things and experiences. Divine Mother has been kinder to me than I have been to myself. She has taken me out to dinner and treated me to the most delicious meals and desserts. She has given me volleyball tickets so that I may enjoy my favorite sport. She has encouraged me to explore my interests, gifts, and talents, to embrace life and expand my horizons. Because of all the love that I have received, my rigid thinking is relaxing, and I am open to new experiences and interested in venturing into new territory. I feel as though Divine Mother wants me to reach my highest potential in love and life and that she is giving me confidence within myself to experience life in positive, beautiful and expansive ways.
This journey has been spectacular. Now, I have a successful educational business. I am both independent and part of a strong family that works great together. I am happy, healthy, and wholesome. The future looks bright; in particular, my brother and I are working closely to expand our businesses in ways that I would have never imagined before. Through Divine Mother, my consciousness is continually expanding through my daily life, as well as through the amazing trips to Ghana, Sri Lanka, and the United Nations that I have been privileged to take with Divine Mother. Divine Mother once said to me, “Sarah, you are never alone. I am always One with you.” I cherish these words. I am so blessed by Divine Mother’s Love that is all pervasive in my life, and so grateful to be on a spiritual journey that is full of love and deep inner joy. Thank You, God!